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Dating & Friendship for the Over 40s...

Mature, Free but no longer Single

After trying several online dating sites without much luck I decided to give The Mature Free and Single website a try. What appealed to me was the fact that it targeted the right age group for me, finally no more emails from 20 odd year olds looking for either a mother figure or a cougar!

The Mature Free and Single website made me feel in control. I could chose the ages of any potential partners along with their location, which basically made online dating far easier. I also liked the fact that because it was a paid for site I felt safe. In my eyes anyone that pays to join a dating site is serious about finding someone.

Whilst I was on the site I made lots of friends through reading their diary entries which is another big plus to The Mature Free and Single website. This gave me a much clearer picture to the person as opposed to just their profile because diary entries made the writer more real.

I first started chatting to John 15 months ago but never ever thought we would meet, it was through his diary entries which made me contact him in the first place, he came across as a sensitive, genuine man with a good sense of humor, but the fact that he lived 350 miles away made me think that we could never be an item.

We followed each other’s dating experiences and encouraged and commiserated when things did not go exactly as we wanted them to go. As time went on we realized that we both had exactly what the other one was looking for, but distance was the problem.

I was beginning to get disillusioned would there ever be anyone like John who lived near me. We decided to have a chat on the phone and then our phone calls became a regular thing. Not five minute chats either oh no they were marathon 2, 3, 4 and 5 hour calls.

We then realized that we had to meet each other just to see if the chemistry we had on the phone was the same when we met in person and we decided that it was worth the effort.

John came to see me March 2014 for a long weekend and stayed in a nearby hotel. The chemistry was definitely there and even though the distance was difficult we both thought it was definitely worth the effort and saw each other every other weekend.

I am so pleased that we took the chance and made the effort to meet and develop our relationship because without the site we would have never met.  I am  pleased to tell you that we got married on the 28 February this year, so finally we can both say that we are mature, free but no longer single.

I have enjoyed writing about my dating journey on The Mature, Free and Single website and I would like to thank everyone who has followed my progress. It worked for me for lots of other people. So if your wondering about dipping your toe, then wonder no more, take a deep breath and JUMP IN.

Happy Dating x


Time to go

Things were going great now with John from Cornwall, I found myself logging on to the Mature Free and Single website much less often, just to chat to the friends that I had made in the last year and even some of the guys I had been out with previously used to send me the odd email letting me know of their progress on the site.

John was coming to see me more and more often and we decided that we wanted to become exclusive to each other. He had left the site now, because in his words what was the point he had found the woman that he wanted and although he had made friends on the site he felt that it was not appropriate for him to remain; the site had done its job!

I had removed my photograph and changed my profile. I had written a new one explaining that I was seeing someone from the site who I believed would be the man for me. This stopped most of the contact. One reason was because there were no photos of me for people to see (I told you that photographs do work, honestly they do) so only my close friends on the site would contact me to see how I was doing.

I still was an avid diary entry reader because I felt that if I could help anyone who was feeling frustrated with the site I could do so. I could also share people’s happiness when they found someone on the site and they decided that they were leaving to further develop that relationship.

I know this probably sounds stupid but I did feel sad when I decided that the time was right to completely leave the site. It had helped me so much in my search for the right man and it felt comforting somehow.  Yes, I had had disappointments, I had felt let down by some people too, but the real friends on the site are still around and we still email each other regularly for updates, which I love to hear about.

So when the time came to delete myself completely I did feel sad, I like a lot of people on the site had lived my life almost publicly in the diary entries and reading them back before deleting them all made me feel happy and sad at the same time, even though it had delivered exactly who I was looking for (even if he lived 350 miles away) distance is only a problem if you let it be.




Dont get disillusioned.

After logging on to the Mature Free and Single website one Friday evening I was happily reading the diary entries chuckling to myself when I came across quite a sensitive entry. It was obviously someone who was feeling a bit disillusioned with the whole online dating thing. He was asking why be on a dating site if you cannot be bothered to answer any emails that you receive.

I more than anyone know that it can be frustrating if you do not get a reply from someone you have emailed, especially if you see that they have been online. But from my experience of the whole online dating there are many reasons why people may not reply. The main one being that they have not paid to be a member or their membership has lapsed. They could still be receiving the emails but be unable to reply to them!

It would appear that a lot of people still occasionally look online to see if the people they used to see previously are still online. Or, it may be that they have met someone online but still have an active account until they see if the person that they are currently dating is going to be a keeper.

Personally if I decide that I want to see someone more than a few times then I tend to remove my photograph from the site; that usually stops anyone contacting me (like I have said previously, photographs do work because not many people want to meet the invisible man, or woman for that matter).

Then of course there are some people online that may not like the look of the person that emailed them so they chose to ignore them, which to me is very ignorant. How hard is it to say thanks for your email but I do not think we would make a good match. I have to be honest and confess that I have emailed people back who have emailed me and I say thank you for your email but I am currently seeing someone from the site so I am not looking to see anyone else at the moment. Then I wish them all the best in their search. Most men are courteous and reply thank you for replying and wish me good luck. Others sometimes reply saying, if you’re seeing someone then perhaps you should not be online!  That’s a fair comment and one of the reasons I take my photograph off when I am actually seeing someone.

I quickly penned an email to the diary writer agreeing that yes, it was frustrating not receiving a reply and gave him a shortened version of what I have written above and wished him well in his search. I also said that if the person was actually an active online member who had not replied, then would he really want to get to know someone who had such bad manners?


Meeting John, part two


Well, this was it. After three weeks of speaking on the phone to John from Cornwall, we were actually going to meet face to face. He had made the journey (350miles) to see me and was now waiting in the hotel restaurant for me to turn up.

After checking myself out in the mirror for the millionth time, I locked my house door and got into my car to make the two minute journey to meet John for the very first time. This was not going to be any ordinary date, indeed it was going to be a three day date!

I was sure that we would get on well but would the chemistry be there, oh, the anticipation was killing me. I parked in the car park and walked into the hotel foyer. I looked across the reception and saw John for the very first time. He was looking very smart in a grey suit and pale blue shirt. Wow I thought this is a first. I had never met anyone who had gone to so much trouble before. But what is it that they say, you only get one chance to make a good impression.

I was so pleased that I too had made the effort and wore a classy black dress with a diamante collar. He started walking over to me and we met in the middle. “Hello” he said leaning in to kiss my cheek. “Hi” I replied, “pleased to meet you finally”.

I felt quite shy, it is one thing to chat on the phone but to be there in person was a whole new feeling. We walked into the restaurant and I was happy to be able to appear to be studying the menu whilst still having a sneaky peak. It would appear he was doing the same and we both laughed, then the ice was broken.

We got on like a house on fire, it was like I had known him forever, we even liked the same food and the time flew and in no time at all the first evening was over and John walked me to my car. I felt quite shy again as he linked his hand into mine. It was a nice feeling and I realized that I, for one, felt an attraction to him.

I aimed my key fob at the door and it clicked open and John leant forward to open my door for me.   I smiled and thanked him for the meal which he had insisted on paying for and he said it was his pleasure. We had both agreed that we would spend the next day together and visit some local attractions in my area and to be honest I could not wait.

We looked at each other and I asked him shyly if he was pleased that he had made the 350 mile journey to see me. He smiled and taking my face in his hands he drew me forward and we had our first kiss. “What do you think?” he said. “Hmm” I replied “350 miles is not that far is it”?


Meeting John from Cornwall

After speaking with John from Cornwall on the phone for three weeks we both decided that it was time to meet. He had booked a travel lodge for a long weekend and today was the day that he was arriving. I was a jumping bag of nerves. It was such a long way for him to travel, 350 miles just to see me!

I had cleaned my house from top to bottom, why I don’t know, because he was not staying here, but I wanted to be able to invite him to see where I actually lived. I was watching the clock all of the day. He had text me to say he was setting off four hours ago so I knew within two hours we would meet for the first time.

He was going to give me a ring when he had booked into the hotel then I was going to meet him and have a meal together, OMG my nerves were in shreds. I had showered and washed and dried my hair then after applying my makeup I tried on two outfits decided that the first one was the nicest and I was now sitting waiting for him to ring me.

Why do I put myself through this I thought to myself for the hundredth time?  The expectation of him liking me and me liking him was enormous. Calm down, I said to myself, we both know that we will have a good weekend; he was after all a lovely polite man and we had spoken to each other for hours over the last three weeks. What was my problem!

I knew it was worrying me that there may not be that attraction spark or worse still, it was there for one of us but not the other. This is why I always recommend meeting for a coffee, that way you can always go your separate ways after an hour or so.

No, I had really set myself up for this date, the distance thing made it a three day event. He was such a gentleman saying that I had not to worry, if I did not want to see him again after our meal, he would entertain himself for a few days and visit places in the area that appealed to him. That made me worse, why do I put myself through this.

Pondering deep in thought my mobile rang and I almost jumped out of my skin, OMG ,OMG it was him. “Hello”, I croaked into the phone, “Hi” he said “I am here”. My heart was pounding, surely he could hear it. “I am just going to have a shower and get changed” he said calmly “how about we meet here in an hour?”

“Okay” I replied “I will see you in the hotel restaurant in one hour”. “I am so looking forward to meeting you” he said. No pressure then, I thought, why do I do this! To meet the man of your dreams and this could be him, said a little voice in my head.

To be continued.


Long Distance yes or no

Things were bubbling nicely with my long distance friend John in Cornwall, we were chatting most evenings on the instant messaging facility and I was getting to like him more and more. I did use the distance filter on the Mature Free and Single website but because it had been my birthday John had emailed me initially.

He was very positive that distance is not a problem when you like someone but I had reservations I had tried a long distance relationship with someone from the site before and he lived a lot nearer that John did, but it did not work because neither of us put enough effort in to it. Yes I had taken a three hour train ride to see him and he had taken a few days holiday from work to see me but to me that was not a true reflection of a relationship. More of a holiday romance maybe.

John said that because he was retired things would be much easier and he was prepared to do the traveling, but would it work out?

I continued to see people who lived local to me, but John was always at the back of my mind. Maybe the distance thing made him seem more attractive a case of wanting what you can’t have maybe. !!

A few of the friends I have made whilst being on the site found love and left the site but still send me the occasional email to keep in touch with how things are going. Nigel was one who was actually having a long distance relationship with a lady he had met on the site.  He was happy and so was she, they had been seeing each other every other weekend for the last three months and although they missed being able to see each other in the week he was confident that they would eventually get together even if it meant he had to move house.

He kept telling me to give John a chance, after all what had I to lose they told me when he was prepared to travel 380 miles to see me, then I should let him then we could see if there was anything there to develop.

I decided to bite the bullet and to tell John that I was willing to meet him but that we both had to be realistic as although we got on great guns online it may be different face to face. John was over the moon and said he would look into booking a Travel Inn nearby to where I live, he said he would book a room for three night so we could have a long weekend together. Obviously 380 miles traveling by car would not be a “day out”.

I booked a day off work so I could take the Monday off and I hoped that I was doing the right thing, it is one thing  to meet someone for a coffee and another to meet someone and have a three day date!

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