Dating Coach Jacqui Dubonnet explains why she could never date a man who doesn’t like Pi
I remember having a phone conversation with a prospective date called Tony who I’d been flirting with online. The web banter had been good. He was a bit cheeky and made me laugh. We agreed a physical date was the natural next step, but arranged to a have a talk on the phone before committing.
I was excited! On paper, or should that be online, Tony had LOTS of potential.
He had a yummy voice and a nice accent, which I always like in a man. And it was all going well until for some random reason, I asked Tony if he’d read Life of Pi. I’d just finished the novel and was mesmerised by it. I had found it spiritually uplifting, totally enchanting and wonderfully fantastical. I’d like to believe Pi’s story is real. But that’s because I’m a slushy old romantic – in life and love.
“Hated it”, Tony replied with an alarming amount of vitriol. “Load of tripe. Bored me. I couldn’t get into it at all.”
And all I can say is that at that very moment, a light went out. In those few short seconds, Tony went from being prospective Love-of-my-Life to Mr. It’s Never Gonna Happen.
Without further ado, I politely made my excuses, ended the conversation and told Tony I’d be in touch.
I emailed him later explaining that I’d changed my mind and that I didn’t think we should meet up after all. Sorry Tony, no date tonight.
Now… That may sound a little extreme and I’m sure Tony is a perfectly lovely guy. But here’s the thing: The fabulous thing about online dating is that you’re pretty much spoiled for choice. With so many members (especially on a site like this) you can afford to be a little picky. And if something doesn’t feel right, you can simply move on.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not doling out dating advice suggesting you must have all the same likes and dislikes and agree with each other on everything in order to be a great match. (Wow! How boring would THAT be?). But we all have our deal-breakers and sometimes you just have to go with your instincts.
If something your potential date says jars with you (and you’ll feel it in your gut), especially in those early conversations, chances are you’re cultivating a plant that will never grow.
For me, the thought of spending time with someone who didn’t appreciate the kind of literature I love was a big turn-off. I know I could never connect on a soulful level with a man who doesn’t like Pi. So why waste both of our time with a first date, possibly even a second one that would ultimately end in goodbye?
Instinct is a wonderful tool when you’re navigating the choppy water of online dating (Pi reference for those of you who, unlike Tony, DO have a soul!).
You’ll know when it’s wrong. Better still, you’ll know when it’s right.
And that, my friends, is when the fun starts.
P.S. Have you experienced a similar ‘dealbreaker moment’ when getting to know a potential date? We’d love to hear about it!