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Dating & Friendship for the Over 40s...

Men Vs Women – Who should take charge of the first date?

You’ve swapped photos and the online flirting is heating up.  So now’s the time to bite the bullet and arrange an actual, physical date.

This next step can be daunting if you haven’t been ‘out there’ for some time.  Should you ask for the date?  Or should you wait to be asked?  How, exactly, do you make the next move?

Here’s my advice on arranging that all-important (and super exciting!) first date.


Now… I’m the kind of girl who is up-front, direct and not afraid to go after what she wants.  So you might expect me to say I think women should be the first to suggest a meet-up, right?


Men v women

If you're a strong woman, it's even more important that you DONT ask for the first date

Ladies… you must never be the first to suggest a date.  Sure, you can hint at it and use all your feminine wiles, but ultimately you HAVE TO GET HIM TO ASK YOU!


Well… firstly because men are from Mars and they love the chase.  You need to make him work for it.  (He LOVES having to work for it!)  You need to make him think you’re worth the effort.

Secondly, you need reassurance that he really wants this.  If you ask him out and he agrees, you’ll be wondering how keen he really is. Remember men are fundamentally lazy.  It’s easier to say ‘OK’ than ‘I don’t think so’.  So if he does actually go to the effort of asking you out, you can be sure he’s into you.

“But what if he’s just really shy?  I might never get a date with him unless I ask for it.”  Come on ladies.  Is that really what you want from your new relationship?  A man who’s so shy he can’t even ask you out?  Forget it.  Move on and find someone who can’t wait to ask you for a date.

So gentlemen… no more excuse.  You’ve read all of the above and you know we’re on to you.

Wen V Women

Boys - it's time to take charge




Chaps – you should also know that any smart, sassy, senior single lady will expect YOU to suggest the venue for the first date.  But don’t worry…  I’m not going to throw you to lionesses unprepared.  Read below for some tips on selecting the perfect first date venue:


Drinks Vs Dinner:

I would never suggest dinner on a first date.  A coffee or a glass of wine is much more appropriate and if that goes well, there’s no reason why it can’t evolve into dinner on the night.  But keep things simple and un-daunting and agree to meet for ‘just a drink’ to start with.


Be geographically considerate:

Choose somewhere that’s convenient to her.  She doesn’t want to be trekking across town or embarking on a major map-reading expedition (it’s true, we are TERRIBLE at that) to come and find you.  So do the gentlemanly thing and choose somewhere that’s nearer for her than it is for you.


Choose somewhere neutral:

In saying that, don’t propose a drink in her local.  She’ll be worried about someone she knows walking in and it’s not because she’s embarrassed to be seen with you, it’s just too much explaining to do at such an early stage of proceedings.


Read between her lines:

Before suggesting a first date venue, try to get a feel for what she’d like.  Rustic, charming and old-fashioned?  Or would she prefer somewhere a little more urban, flashy and impressive?  Re-read her profile for clues and make a call.  Get it right and you’ve made it to first base.  We really do notice when you’ve made an effort.

Am I right ladies?

Good luck!

Home Senior Dating Advice Men Vs Women – Who should take charge of the first date?