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Dating & Friendship for the Over 40s...

Be positive, be happy, look forward not back

I have to say I have found it very entertaining being a member of the Mature Free and Single website. I have met quite a few men now from the site and I have made quite a few good friends in the process. Most have lived up to expectations with only a handful not actually being what I had expected.

I had arranged to meet one man who looked lovely in his photographs, an ex-rugby player 6ft 2 a hunky looking lovely man. What he failed to tell me before we met was that he had lost five stones since his photograph online had been taken. I remember now being sat in my car in a car park of a lovely pub restaurant waiting for him to arrive. When his car pulled into the car park I jumped out and set off walking up the car park to meet him and OMG,  how could that be the same man he was like a shrunken version of the photo I had seen online. He looked about 10 years older.  I was so disappointed we went into the pub and he proceeded to tell me all about his ex and blamed his weight loss on all the stress of his separation. I can sympathize with anyone but not for a full evening!  He was obviously not ready to begin dating again, far from it, I felt sorry for him and wished him well and then we went our separate ways.

It is not an attractive quality to speak badly of an ex when you first meet someone, even if we do feel badly done by. To tell someone your life story on the first date is a big no no.  I had that experience with another man who proceeded to tell me that his ex-wife had left him for another woman expecting me to be shocked, I wasn’t I was just surprised that he was calling her such awful names when she was, after all the mother of his children !  That date must have been the shortest date ever and I seriously thought about seeing if there was a back exit in the pub to get away from him. In the end I told him that I did not think we were a match and left him a little bit stunned by my honesty. (No doubt I would be the topic of conversation on his next date)!

The best dates for me are informal ones, perhaps a coffee in a garden center. I prefer to meet for an hour or so to see if we connect and have some sort of attraction for each other. That illusive spark! Although to be honest some people can grow on us and everyone should be given a chance. Nerves can give the wrong impression and make some people talk either too much or not talk at all.  Just remember we are all human, we all have feelings and dating in later life can be a scary experience. So be kind.


Birthday Video

I was feeling in a very good mood, it was my birthday and after opening my birthday cards I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website. I immediately saw that I had quite a few emails, some from people I knew and also some from people I had never spoken to. Nearly all were wishing me a happy birthday which surprised me because I couldn’t understand how they knew about it.

After emailing one of my good friends called John on the site who lived in Cornwall to thank him for the birthday wishes and the virtual flowers he had sent me, I asked him how he knew it was my birthday on that day. He told me that my photo had a symbol on saying it was my birthday, hmm I thought that’s a very good ice breaker, it’s a good job I was honest about my age or it could have caused some embarrassment!

We played ping pong emails each asking each other how our dating situation was and once again I wished that I lived nearer to him because it was obvious that we had an attraction to each other. I knew without doubt that had we lived nearer we would have already met up.

Dating virtually is a strange experience because you put the other person’s words together in picture form in your head because you can’t see it in real life. I asked him if he had considered putting a video of himself on the site which I know can be a scary thing but it does give others a better understanding of someone’s personality.

He admitted that he felt a little bit apprehensive about it but because it was my birthday he said he would give it a go, adding that he hoped that it would not put me off for life. I laughed and after saying goodbye I logged offline and set off to work, smiling to myself, thinking I would finally get to see John on camera and hear his voice.

My day at work was a good one and we all had a laugh when I opened one present which was a book about how to get the best out of online dating sites!! I bought the obligatory cream cakes for the afternoon break and finishing on the dot of 5pm I drove straight home feeling excited and anxious wondering if John had done a video on the site.

Logging on I read through a few more birthday emails thanking everyone for their good wishes then I clicked through to the new video section. Sure enough there was Johns photograph saying he had done a video.

I clicked on to it and saw John for the first time moving lol, he did make me smile he was obviously nervous but he had a lovely voice, very soft yet deep. He had made the effort and looked very smart and spoke a little bit about himself then he said that the reason he had made the video was because it was a very special lady’s birthday on the site and he wanted to wish her a happy birthday.

I was so happy, what a lovely thing to do and after watching the video about 5 times I decided that John, maybe, was just the man to consider meeting even though he did live over 350 miles away.

To be continued


The phone call part two

After chatting to Joe on the Mature Free and Single website I was finally going to speak to him on my mobile and boy was I nervous. Please, please I said to myself, don’t let all my illusions be shattered, you can tell a lot about someone with that first phone call and their voice. Yes, I appreciate that it can be nerve wracking for both parties and that is taken in to consideration, but I have found that I can connect with some people easier than others.

One guy I spoke to I felt like I was pulling teeth, all he gave me were one word answers and after about ten minutes of that I realized that perhaps we were not an ideal match. I don’t mean to sound harsh and I do take into account both of us being nervous but, well I just know if it is going to be right or not.

Watching the clock get nearer and nearer to the allotted time I made a quick visit to the loo and made myself a drink, thinking calm down it’s only a phone call and even though I was expecting his call I jumped when my mobile rang. Picking it up and seeing a number that I did not recognize I knew that it was Joe.

“Hi Joe” I said, ”Hi” came his reply, “how did you know it was me?” “Well” I replied, thinking he has a nice voice and did not sound like he was nervous which made me feel better, “all my other men friends have already rung so there was only you left to ring me”.

This broke the ice and we both laughed. He was great, every bit like his emails he was a joker and made light of the whole situation which is good. I told him I had received a few bad first phone calls when I had to experience hearing all about another person’s failed relationship and what they had done to them and we both agreed that a first phone call should just be a general getting to know you call without being too deep.

The time flew by (always a good sign) and in no time at all we had been chatting for an hour, so we said our goodbyes and arranged to chat again a few days later.

Smiling to myself I wondered why I got so nervous just chatting to people on the phone, sure I had done that before and then later I had met up with them and in turn they had not become the love of my life, but a good friend. It was only a very few that had turned into a complete disaster.

Hmm, I think Joe could live up to my expectation, time would tell.







First Phone Call

I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website feeling excited. My emails that started with Joe on New Year’s Eve had been arriving most days and I had started to feel as if we could be getting closer to meeting each other. This may sound strange but sometimes this part of the dating process can be the exciting part of online dating the anticipation of meeting someone for the very first time.

After checking my emails, sure enough there was one from Joe, telling me about his day at work and basically just sharing with me how he was feeling. I am sure that l am not the only person that misses having someone to share things with, yes I can chat to my children and parents but it’s not the same as having that special someone to talk to.

I was giggling about the antics he had got up to, obviously he was a bit of a joker with a good sense of humour. His email became quite serious towards the end and I knew that he was getting near to asking for my phone number and after three weeks of constant emails that was not a problem to me. Sure enough his last sentence was “It would be good to talk on the phone maybe, if you’re up for it?”

Smiling, with butterflies in my stomach, I replied, saying “Yes Joe, that would be good” and sent him my mobile phone number. Straight away I received a reply asking me when it would be a good time to call. He was just about to go out for the evening to see his daughter and suggested ringing me later around 8.30 if that would suit me. I replied that it would be fine and said I was looking forward to it.

Now I don’t know about anyone else but I am always very nervous talking to someone for the first time on the phone, all illusions can be shattered by that first conversation (no pressure, eh) and I logged offline to make my evening meal thinking about all the previous first time telephone calls I had either received or made.

How green I had been in the beginning, probably by talking to people too early on in the dating line process; expecting them to be my prince charming when in some cases they were clearly not. The one thing I have always done though is to listen to my gut instinct and in most cases I have asked for their number and rung ex directory so I could be in control of situation for that first phone call. Mobile phone numbers are easier and not as obtrusive as giving a landline number.

Sitting eating my meal, or should that be moving that around my plate, because of the mixture of excitement and fear I kept watching the clock waiting for it to move round to 8.30pm and sure enough the phone rang dead on time. Picking up my phone I saw a number I did not recognize and my mouth went dry and I felt very shy. Answering the phone I said “Hi Joe”.

To be continued.


New Year new photos please

I was looking through the new members on the Mature Free and Single website to see if there was anyone who lived nearby who looked interesting. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to try not to dismiss people without giving them a chance, one thing I have found out is that the camera does lie. I have had many a pleasant surprise when meeting someone who looked much better in real life.

I tend to change my photo every month just to keep it interesting, not out of vanity just because I know that I don’t want to see the same photo of someone month after month it gets boring and if I can give you any advice it would be rotate your photos. New Year, new you and all that.

One question I do get asked regularly, is if my photo is a recent one, so I tend to put on a webcam photo as well because that has the date on it!!!

I used to be quite shy asking someone if their photo was current but after one particularly bad experience of meeting a man, who I actually thought he had sent someone else in his place. Don’t get me wrong he was a really nice man but the fact that he had, in my mind, tricked me, put me off.

After looking at several profiles and their photos, I emailed a few of them welcoming them to the site; no longer do I sit and wait for people to contact me first. We do live in the 21st century after all and personally I think it’s quite nice when you join a site and receive some nice emails from current members.

About 20 minutes later an email pinged into my inbox from one such member thanking me for taking the time to email him, his name was Jim and after losing his wife a few years ago his daughters had talked him into joining the site to build up some sort of social life again. A lot of people join the site to look for some company which in some cases can turn into something more.

We sent some emails backwards and forwards and I gave him some tips on using the site to its full capacity and how to spot the scammers because unfortunately even with the best sites in the world a scammer can worm their way onto sites. What I like about the Mature Free and Single website is that you can report anyone who you feel is not who they say they are and it will be taken seriously.

I have spoken to men who have told me that they had been asked for money after being given a sob story online, which is a shame really because when they have helped someone they never hear from them again. So I told Jim not to be fooled by flattery and just to be aware.

He was really grateful, I could tell he was a genuine man and definitely someone who I would keep in touch with.


Happy New Year x

New Year’s Eve and I am sat at home with a king sized box of tissues, a stinking cold and cough, feeling rather sorry for myself. I logged onto the Mature Free and Single dating website to see if anyone was online. To be honest I thought everyone would be out enjoying themselves so I was rather surprised to see that the site was quite busy.

I penned a diary entry wishing everyone online a Happy New Year and that we should all be out enjoying ourselves; my excuse was that I had a stinking cold! I did not expect my diary entry to be approved due to it being New Year’s Eve and I was surprised when I received an email telling me that it had been accepted.

In no time at all I was receiving emails sympathizing with me regarding my cold. Why did I not think about saying I had cold before if this is what happens. Just kidding, but it did cheer me up. Sniffing, I replied, thanking people for their kind wishes and I soon struck up conversations, via emails, which was just as well because my sniffs and sneezes would have been a bit of a turn off.

One email I received was from a man called Joe, who was 59 and lived about thirty miles from me. His profile had me laughing he appeared to be a bit of a joker and he was telling me that he was sat in a chair emailing me, with 5 boxes of man sized tissues around him because his cold was much worse than mine.

Typical man, I replied you probably have man flu, I am amazed you have the strength to type a reply. How did you know he replied, I have got splints on my fingers because they are too weak to press the keyboard. Then he went on to tell me just how fortunate I was to be having any sort of communication when he was so ill, with very strong man flu, not the usual sort of man flu that normal males had!

By this time I was giggling like mad, which turned in to a coughing fit. So, after getting myself a drink, we continued sending each other emails until I really was too tired to keep going. We said goodnight and agreed to email each other the day after.

Logging off, I switched off all the lights and went to bed. I tossed and turned thinking about all the emails that Joe had sent me, then looked at the clock and saw that  it was five minutes to midnight, so smiling to myself, I thought I would log back onto the site to send Joe an email wishing him a Happy New Year.

Just as I was typing him the email I received one from him saying “Do you realize I have dragged myself out of bed just to write this email to you to say I think you are gorgeous and I wanted to be the first to wish you a Happy New Year?”

Smiling to myself I replied, “hmmm, 2015 could be our year, Joe. X”

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