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Dating & Friendship for the Over 40s...
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Merry Christmas everybody

Christmas has finally arrived and after opening my presents I logged on to the Mature Free and Single dating website and I was amazed how many people are logged onto the site it was like a huge party for single folk.

The diary entries were being put on regularly which in its self is fantastic considering it is Christmas day. I quickly wrote one wishing everyone on the site a very Merry Christmas and soon I was playing ping pong sending messages back and forth.

A few of my rather negative friends where bemoaning their fate at being single at Christmas but I laughed at them and said bah humbug and that gave them a laugh. I tried my hardest to cheer up the ones who had lost their longtime partners after all this is a mature dating site and told them to remember the happy times and that they would not want to think of them sad at Christmas.

I was lucky enough to be going to my daughters for my Christmas lunch so after talking to good online friends with instant messaging I logged off to begin the celebrations.

When I logged on later I had received a message from Jim a member who I did not know wishing me a happy Christmas and commenting on my positive attitude to both online dating and being alone at Christmas. One went on to say that it was very off putting when people came across as desperate to go out with anyone. I knew what he was talking about just because some people are single does not mean that anyone will do. If like me they have been married before it makes it even more important to find the right person and not just anyone will do.

I wrote back agree with what he said and we struck up a long debate on instant messaging about the pros and the cons of dating when over 50. We had a right laugh and although he lived out of my area this did not put me off because after all we were just having a chat.

He told me that he had joined the site a month ago after his daughters had told him it was time to get out on the dating scene again and that they would help him with the photos and profile. We laughed when he said that he scrubbed out their write up about him and put his own which was short and to the point. He had shared his Christmas lunch with them and his grandchildren and rather than watching Coronation Street he had decided to go online and see what was happening.

We chatted for an hour and a half both agreeing that we had enjoyed our chat and agreed to chat again on Boxing Day night.

Signing off the site I smiled to myself, Jim may live a bit further than usual but he had made my Christmas day special and for that I was very grateful. Who know what will happen in the future watch this space

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Cant win them all

After logging on to the Mature Free and Single website I searched to see if someone was online, he was a new member and I really liked the look of him. I had sent him a welcome message when he joined which I always think is a nice thing to do. It can be a bit overwhelming at first joining a site because in the first few days messages seem to fly in to your inbox.

He had replied and said thanks but I had not heard from him again, now I did not want to seem too keen but this is a dating site and sometimes we have to push ourselves out of our comfort barrier and bite the bullet even if that means rejection. I have found that yes, it can sting a bit but such is life, we are not everyone’s cup of tea!

Now what should I do should I send him a wink? Personally I am not too keen on the winking bit, I think it is done too easy and may not mean someone is eager to know more about you. They could just like the look of you but not want to sweep you off your feet.

He was online and I decided to write him another email asking how he was finding the site and if he had been out on any dates yet. I quickly sent him the email then started reading through the diary entries.

I did not get a reply back from him that night or the night after and just about when I was giving up hope of hearing from him I received an email thanking me for my email and then went on to tell me he was having the time of his life, he had been out on eight dates over the last two weeks with more lined up. (I told you he looked nice) he then went on to say that there was one lady he was really wanting to go out with but she had not replied to any of his emails.

Maybe she is away I replied, all the time thinking “great, he obviously does not fancy me then!” but then thinking about it would I really want to go out with a serial dater? I wanted to get to know someone online first, then meet for a coffee and then go out on a proper date not be slotted in around other women.

I wished him well in his search for “the one” and logged off the site. Such is life I thought, when the time is right my man will appear.

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Countdown to Christmas

After logging on to the Mature Free and Single website I noticed that quite a few diary entries were quite negative about the thought of being alone at Christmas and even though it would be my second Christmas as a single woman it did not faze me because I had made so many friends online.

The members seem to fall into different categories some members were so rigid in their search that no one lived up to the spec they were searching for and then some almost appeared to be happy living alone, indeed when someone asked them out they found it difficult to fit a date in to their busy schedules

I smiled to myself and hoped that I fell in to the middle bracket of not being too despondent living alone and the thought of being alone over Christmas did not depress me. I agree that to have that special someone to share Christmas with would be lovely…….but life is all about timing and when the time is right then the right person will appear. Meanwhile I was not going to moan or become down on the fact that I am 50 something and single.

I decided to write a diary entry myself, basically stating the above and while waiting for it to be approved, I started looking at the new members who had recently joined the site in my area. Hmm, there were quite a few nice ones who were the right age too. I love reading the new members’ profiles to see what they had put about themselves. It really is a selling tool that too many members don’t use. Yes, it can be embarrassing writing about yourself and many switch to my friends say this and that about me (I often wonder if their friends come on the date with them to do the talking!).

I was deeply engrossed reading a newbies profile when I got a message saying that my diary entry had been accepted and was now available to see online. I checked it out to make sure that it made sense and got across the message I was looking to share. Sure enough after a few minutes I started to get emails from members with their points of view. Smiling I thought how anyone can be lonely on a dating site surprises me, It’s all about communication and starting up written conversations.

Some people say I don’t know what to write about, that’s easy, ask for advice or help in a positive way and then you will probably be inundated with responses. At the end of the day we are all in the same boat, looking for love, friendship, whatever and sending an email to someone is safe, what’s the very worst that can happen? If someone has not got the manners to reply to you, would you really want to know them anyway???

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Making a video

After giving it lots of thought I decided that I was going to make a video so that members of the Mature Free and Single website could get a better understanding of what sort of person I am. It’s okay putting a photograph online but when you see someone actually moving online you get a much better impression of what they are going to be like in real life.

After watching quite a few online videos from the male members I was laughing hysterically, with tears streaming down my face. It was the ones that started to giggle midway that made me laugh; you could see them trying to compose themselves and then their voice would break and they would dissolve and the video would be stopped.

I know, that when I used to have to do sales videos in previous jobs, that the giggles can ruin many a production although I think it just shows that we are human and that talking to a camera does not feel normal and obviously pre-staged.

I was also aware that quite a few videos did not do people justice when they go on and on and on with no smiles, just words that would help with insomnia!  Somewhere between the two a balance could be reached so I decided to have a go myself.

Now I would be lying if I did not tell you that washed my hair and put on a full face of make-up, then tried on 4 outfits before I was ready for my production. I made sure that the area on view behind me on my webcam was clear and uncluttered.  (After all it would not do to have washing on the radiator or the remnants of my evening meal on my tray for one would it.)

I made sure the lighting was sufficient as I did not want to look like I was one of those people on TV that sat in the dark because they did not want to be recognised. This was supposed to be a promotional video, promoting me!

Luckily the video procedure on the Mature Free and Single website was very easy to use, it even has prompting suggestions giving ideas on what topics to talk about. What could be easier, lol, I began my recording saying hi and giving my name, age and location, that was the easy bit. I was concentrating on how I looked on screen which made me pause a few times and brush the hair out of my eyes. Then concentrating on what I was saying I tried to come across in a friendly positive manner. No one wants to listen to a moaner.

When I had finished I played it back to see how it looked and sounded before submitting it for approval. The first two attempts were, in all honesty, not the greatest. The first one made me look like a startled rabbit and the second one found me flicking the hair out of my eyes looking like I had some sort of nervous twitch, which believe me, was not attractive. Finally, on my third attempt, I was happy that I came across basically as I am. I sent it through for approval then logged off the site smiling to myself. Who would have thought it, me making a video !!!

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Be honest with yourself and others

My friend Brian emailed me to tell me he had given it some thought about what he was looking for in a lady, he admitted that perhaps he had been a bit blinkered in wanting blonde, petite, and of a precise age. He also told me that he had changed his profile to say that he was looking for someone with a good sense of humour and for someone to share coffee, lunches and days out. And guess what? He was now getting winks and emails from a few ladies on the site.

I sent him a quick reply asking if he thought he may meet up with any of them and he replied “saying its early days yet. I don’t want to scare anyone off”. I laughed and said “why don’t you suggest just meeting someone for a coffee, that way it is not as formal as meeting someone for a meal. Plus if you meet someone for a coffee you can stay for a shorter time should you, or indeed they feel that perhaps you were not a good match”.

Personally I find meeting for a coffee with someone is a lot less stressful, if you have had quite a bit of contact with the person i.e. online and on the telephone then it actually feels like you are meeting a friend. I’ve met some lovely people that way with no pressure what so ever. Most people can tell instantly if there is a connection that can be built on and if there isn’t, well a coffee and a cake can be a very enjoyable experience with someone who is basically in the same boat as you are. Then as long as you are honest with each other at the end of the date, saying either thanks for the coffee but I don’t think we are a romantic match or thanks for the coffee it would be nice to meet up again sometime.

I met one man who was a really nice guy and we had such a laugh when we met but he was a disappointment to me because he lied about his age. I asked him why he had done that, putting on his profile that he was 59 when he was actually 64 and the photos he had online were old ones when he was younger. He said that he did it because he could meet more women (he had met over 50 ladies in the last year travelling the breath and length of Britain)!!  He was such a lovely guy with a great sense of humour but the fact he was lying about his age and photo were not helping him in his quest to find the woman of his dreams. Honesty is very important to me and a lot of other people, although I am told that a lot of women lie about their age. I could not think of anything worse than seeing disappointment on my date’s face thinking I looked different from what they expected.

Be honest and enjoy yourself.

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When the time is right, the right person will appear

Although I had a great Halloween date I accepted that my date and I were not a romantic match for each other and we both agreed that we needed to continue our search for that special person and agreed to keep in touch with our progress.

I had made quite a lot of friends now through the Mature Free and Single website which is great and every so often I would receive emails from someone telling me that they had managed to find the one for them through the site. Don’t get me wrong some of my friends got despondent and gave up their search, believing they would not find the right person for them, but usually they would return a month or so after.

Personally I think it’s all about having the right attitude to succeed on a dating site. Let’s face it if we
went down the normal route we may go weeks or even months not meeting the right one for us so why do we have such high expectations joining a dating site.

One guy who I met months ago often got frustrated when the ladies that he found appealing to him did not feel the same way about him. My advice to him was not be so rigid in his search, he wanted blonde, petite, certain age, location blah, blah I tried to explain to him that life was not that simple and sometimes we have to look outside the box; that way it made it more fun, plus photos do not always do people a justice.

Brian had rejoined the site yet again and had sent me an email saying, “I see you’re still on here then?”  I quickly replied “yes I am”. “Doesn’t it get you down” was his reply. ‘Not at all” I said, “I am having a great time meeting all sorts of guys my social life is excellent, much better than sat in night after night”.

“But don’t you want the real deal?” Brian shot back. “Of course I do” I replied “but It’s pointless getting depressed about it, the right one will come along soon. I am positive that when the time is right I will meet the man for me.” We sent a few more emails back and forth then he asked me for advice regarding his profile.  I read it and I suggested that it was a little bit rigid in the fact that he was very insistent in what he was looking for, blonde, petite etc.

I tried to explain to him that he was probably missing out on some lovely women restricting himself to blonde and petite and to open his profile more by saying that he felt a sense of humour and  friendly personality was more important than looks and build, then he could look deeper instead of dismissing lots of ladies before even getting to know anything about them. He said he would have to think about that, thanking me for my help we both got down to searching for the person of our dreams.

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