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Dating & Friendship for the Over 40s...
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Thanks for your email, but I do not think we are a match ;-)

I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website and instantly saw that a guy who I would like to get   to know was online. I had added him to my favorite’s ages ago and he had sent me a quick email saying thanks for the fave tag. I quickly sent one back saying you’re welcome and asked him what he thought to the site. He responded a day later saying It’s great; Then nothing more.

I did not want to seem too pushy and believe me I had no desire to embarrass him or myself for that matter. But omg he was so lovely. He was also an avid diary writer but there are only so many times that you can send a message saying that I enjoyed the diary entries that he had put on the site.

I sat and pondered for a while thinking, should I just give up on him because he may not be interested or should I think of another angle. Chewing my pen I decided that I would try one last thing and that was to write an entry in my diary titled Thanks for your email, but I don’t think we are a match, so I wrote the following.

“Online dating can be a bit difficult because we can’t always tell if we appeal to the object of our desire. When we see someone’s photograph and profile we can quickly tell if there is some sort of attraction but if it is obvious that there isn’t then how hard is it to reply, sending a polite email simply saying thanks for your email, but I do not think we are a match!”

I clicked send and it was gone waiting for approval before becoming live on the site.  I was reading through the other diary entries online when I received an email saying my entry had been accepted and was now online.

Fairly quickly I started getting emails from some members some of which were cheeky saying so when are we meeting up then? I smiled to myself and replied quickly. Thanks for your email, but I do not think we are a match.  I had to giggle at the guy at 82 who lived 400 miles away because he obviously had a good sense of humor.

Then I noticed that I had received an email from the guy who I fancied who had written “Hi that’s a great diary entry regarding thanks but no thanks, it can be difficult letting people down gently” then he went on to say “that he just tried to be polite and hoped that people would get the message and realize that he was not interested in taking it any further”.

I quickly sent him a reply saying thank you for taking the time to reply I know I have sent you a few email regarding your entries too. I also went on to say that I had hoped that we had connected in some way and pressed the send button.

Shortly after he replied saying “thanks for your email, but I do not think we are a match”!!!!

I had to smile but at least I knew that he was not interested….. Onwards and upwards

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First Meeting

I was feeling nervous tonight was the night that I was going to meet Tony a guy who I had been chatting to for quite a while on the Mature Free and Single website. Tony appeared to be great fun always cracking jokes and seeing the funny side to things.

I had made the effort wearing a new dress, strappy sandals and a smart white jacket. After taking a while painting both my toes and finger nails I brushed my newly cut hair and I was ready to go. We had agreed to meet at a Chinese restaurant. midway between where we lived, for 8pm.

I jumped into my car and set off in good time, never one to be late for any date because there is nothing worse than being sat somewhere looking like you have been stood up.

It was just after 7.50pm when I drove into the car park and noticed straight away that Tony was in his car, a smart VW, looking, as I felt, nervous.

I pulled alongside his car and we both got out to greet each other. “At last we meet said Tony” rubbing in the fact that he had asked me out several times before I had agreed. Not because I did not like the look of him, but purely down to the fact that experience had shown me that it was not always the best idea to jump straight into meeting a new person. I found that the more emails or phone calls that you have with someone before you meet them gave me a much better idea as to whether we were going to be a match.

“Hello Tony”, I replied taking note that he too had made the effort looking very smart in beige chinos and a smart checked shirt. He smelt lovely too as he leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek. ”You look lovely he said and you smell divine”. Great minds think alike I thought smiling to myself as we walked in to the restaurant.

We were led to a table for two and both sat and studied the menus then looked at each other and both said at the same time, “Shall we go for the banquet”. Laughing we both said “great minds think alike.” After the food was ordered we sat sipping our drinks and, as appeared to seem normal after meeting someone from the dating site, we began regaling stories of other dates that we had both been on previously.

Everyone seems to have a funny story to tell and he was telling me about when he had met one lady who had not made any effort at all with her appearance. She had arrived in jeans and a tee-shirt with what appeared to be unwashed hair, not his type at all.

“What did you do” I asked him, curious as to what he would tell me. He smiled and said “well I did not want to appear rude, so I bought her a drink and we had a chat for half an hour before I excused myself and left on the pretext of another appointment.“

I smiled to myself I liked Tony he was honest, genuine and a good catch for any lady. This looked like it was going to be a very good evening.

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Perseverence pays

Published on July 3, 2014, by in A New Member's View.

I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website to find yet another email from Paul, I smiled to myself, I had to give him ten out of ten for perseverance I clicked on to his email which simply said “Please meet me for a coffee”.

I must have had 10 emails from Paul since joining the site but if I am honest the fact that he was 8 years younger than myself had stopped me from meeting up with him. Shallow I know but it just felt a little bit strange to me.

I noticed he was online and sent him an instant message asking if he would like to chat. He replied instantly and we began our usual topic on the advantages of women dating younger men. I had to laugh at him he had such a great sense of humor.

I replied back “YAWN!” Which made him laugh. Oh come on he said take a chance you look much younger than your age and I promise that I will try to make myself look older, I will borrow my dad’s cardigan so you won’t feel bad.

Cheeky young whippersnapper I replied laughing to myself. He did not realize how near I had been in the past to accepting a date with him. I had been discussing him only that day at work amongst my work colleagues asking them what they thought about me meeting someone younger.

All the women were saying go for it and said that they envied me and that they were going home to their other halves for yet another evening sat in front of the box watching football.  I knew they wouldn’t swap them for anything but it was nice that they encouraged me.

The guys in the office teased me saying that I needed to watch out for these young’ens looking for a cougar. I was snapped out of my thinking when another instant message appeared from Paul saying seriously I would love to meet up with you for a coffee and was I doing anything this weekend suggesting Saturday at a garden centre close to where I lived.

He had obviously been looking on the map to see where was close to me and that impressed me because he lived 30 miles away. I sat and thought for a few minutes I was very tempted, what harm was there in meeting for a coffee.

Before I could think any more I typed the words “Yes why not” and pressed send. Nothing came back and I began to think maybe he had been winding me up all this time when a message pinged back. “Wow” he said, “you have no idea how much you have surprised me saying yes.”

I smiled to myself. Bless him I thought I have given him a shock. We arranged a time to meet and exchanged mobile numbers in case anything changed before the weekend. Then I logged off and went to bed.

I received a text message on my mobile it was from Paul which said. “You have no idea how happy you have made me I can’t wait for Saturday” with a smiley face attached.

I replied with a smiley and turned off the light and snuggled under the covers. I love this online dating role on Saturday.

 

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Keep positive part three

When I got home after meeting Tony from the site I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website to find that I had received an email from Pete. My heart began beating faster, would he be offended when I offered what I meant to be constructive advice, regarding his diary entry in which he was complaining that he was getting no response.

I feel that it is easier to have a positive attitude to online dating and although I agree it sometimes can feel that things are not moving as quickly as perhaps one would like; but in my experience it has usually been down to me and how I chose to come across in my profile/photos and diary entries.

I opened my email from Pete with one eye shut hardly daring to read what he had wrote and then opened both eyes and started to smile. What was this, he had simply put, “see new photo and profile”. A man of few words indeed.

I clicked on his profile and was amazed by his photograph was this the same man? He had put on a photograph which he had taken by his webcam so it had yesterday’s date on it which was always a plus because that was the proof that it was indeed recent.

Smiling to myself I read his updated profile which although was short was much better than his previous one in which he had said he was straight talking and looking for someone to share the cost of any dates.

Now he had written “that he was a straight talking man” (nothing wrong with that some women prefer that) but he had softened it by adding “and I know that I maybe can come across as a bit hard but I am a softie really. Looking to meet someone who would like to share some time together for meals and days out as friends to begin with then maybe more if we click!”

I noticed that he had also written a diary entry which said: “After being taking to task by a lady on this site who said that my diary entry basically came across as being a bit miserable and my photo and profile giving little encouragement for anyone to contact me, I have now changed everything. It has been hard for me to let the real me come across after being taken for a ride in a previous relationship; I admit to becoming a bit too cynical, but I have now decided to get some positivity back into my life and I thank the lady concerned for taking the time to point out where I was going wrong.”

No word of a lie, I filled up, there is always a reason that some diary entries may come across almost as a cry for help sometimes, but behind the negativity usually there is a sensitive soul and if they allow that to come out in their profiles or diary entries then someone can relate to them and that’s how relationships can begin.

I knew that Pete would now find someone on the site, what woman could not respond to such an honest and open diary entry like that? I sent him a quick email simply saying: “Brilliant profile and very nice photo, good luck although I don’t think you will need that now”.

 

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Keep positive part two

When I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website the morning after sending my email to Pete in which I had given him advice, to hopefully get a better response from the ladies on the site, there was no response. In one way I felt a bit relieved, I did hope that I had not offended him but no way could I sit back and let someone be angry with a dating website that worked so well if members took the time to write a decent profile and upload a flattering photo, or at the very least one in which they had a bit of a smile on their face.

I logged off and went to work thinking I wonder what had happened to Pete to make him come across a little bit dour and bitter. I was meeting someone from the site for a drink after work. We had met before so I did not feel nervous in anyway, he was very good company and although older than me we had formed a good friendship. The site had definitely increased my social life in a good way.

At 6pm I entered the local family pub restaurant to find Tony stood waiting at the bar for me with a diet coke which was very welcome. We sat down in a corner for a catch up as to what had happened to us both over the last few weeks.

Tony was telling me about a date that he had been over the weekend. We were laughing because he was describing how nervous he felt before meeting Penny but once he had met her everything went smoothly and they were meeting again on Friday night.

I began telling him about the diary entry from Pete and my response that I had sent him. He spluttered into his drink saying “well love that will go one of three ways, you will either get thanked, blanked or abused for your input.”

I smiled weakly “I did it to be helpful, honestly Tony, it upsets me when people slate the site when they could get the results if they just tried a little bit better”. I asked Tony if some of the ladies had negative profiles and photographs “Oh yes” was his response “although I can’t think why they would want to spend money joining a dating site and then put on a photo which does not do them any justice at all. Anyone can take a selfie and if you take enough you can usually find one that is halfway decent.”

I shook my head in agreement.  “You are so right Tony I take my own photos and although I feel a bit stupid I just try to think of someone I love and just imagine that they are in front of me and smile. It’s pointless putting on a group photo because potential dates don’t know which one you are unless they ask.”

We both laughed and after a pleasant drink we said our goodbyes and Tony said “let me know if you hear back from Pete” and I told him I would

To be continued……………..

 

 

 

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Keep positive

When I logged on to the Mature Free and Single website I began reading the diary entries I noticed that there was one that was very negative from a man called Pete. He was complaining saying that he was not getting any response from the site and was bemoaning his fate saying that he knew that he was not the best looking guy or even the most richest man on earth, but surely someone must fancy him. I read his profile which was very short and to the point.

“Straight talking man looking for a local woman who does not want to waste my time, but would like to meet up and share the costs of a few trips out”. His photograph showed what looked like a passport photograph in which he had a very dour expression on his face.

I smiled to myself and shook my head I was not surprised that he was not getting any response from the ladies on the site and thought I would send him, what I hoped would be an encouraging email in response to his diary entry.

Now, how should I write this, should I be straight talking or more gentle? He did say in his profile that he was a straight talking man, but no one wants hurting. I wondered if he had a sense of humour because it certainly did not come across on his profile.

I quickly wrote “Hi Pete, after just reading your diary entry I felt I should write to you to say I understand your frustration but there are things that you can do to get a better response, I would be happy to give you a few suggestions if you are open to them”. I pressed the send button and began reading the other diary entries which were thankfully more cheerful.

About ten minutes later an email pinged into my email box from Pete which said “This should be interesting, go on then if you’re the expert. Tell me where I have been going wrong”.

I cringed this was not going to be easy but I still felt compelled to give him some what I hoped he would think would be constructive advice.

“Well Pete” I began typing “you know that they say that the way to a woman’s heart is to make her laugh”. “Well, your photograph is a little bit scary” and I added a little smiley face to soften the blow. “May I suggest that you replace your photograph with a happier photo?” 

“Although I think it is great to be straight talking and to expect a lady to go dutch or at least take turns in footing the bill that sort of conversation comes in when you are getting to know someone.” I then quickly put in brackets that this was just a suggestion. I pressed send and sat back, this was going to go one of two ways he was going to take my suggestions in a good or bad way. Time would tell what his response would be.

To be continued……

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